The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again
www.kylecoberly.com
Kyle Coberly
- Educator
- Business dork
- Web app developer
The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again
Categories Of
^
#1: Talented Jerks
The Late-Night Martyr
"Don't worry about me, I'll just get this knocked out over the weekend. Enjoy the party."
#1: Talented Jerks
The Cowboy
"I need to be alone for the next 40 hours"
#1: Talented Jerks
The Rockstar
"Juniors just slow me down"
#1: Talented Jerks
#2: Scared Buttholes
The Pharisee
"If you wanted it, you should have put it in the spec!"
#2: Scared Buttholes
The Single-Tasker
"I just write tests"
#2: Scared Buttholes
The Not-My-Jobber
"I don't do design"
#2: Scared Buttholes
The Keeper of Forbidden Knowledge
"Why do you need to see my schema?"
#2: Scared Buttholes
#3: Anti-Social Twerps
The Not-A-People-Person Person
"Shut up and let me code!!"
#3: Anti-Social Twerps
The Code Masturbator
"Haskell would be the perfect choice. What are we building?"
#3: Anti-Social Twerps
#4: Period Pieces (of shit)
The Storyteller
"In COBOL times we made our own loops, and our apps were better for it!"
#4: Period Pieces
The Incredulous Newb
"React is dead! You haven't switched over to Vue yet??"
#4: Period Pieces
The Prognosticator
"WASM will make all of this irrelevant"
#4: Period Pieces
#5: Can't-Do Dweebs
The Eeyore
"Why fix it, it's just going to break again"
#5: Can't-Do Dweebs
The Gold-Plater
"Let's add PalmOS support before we show it to the customer"
#5: Can't-Do Dweebs
The Philosopher
"Perhaps a design pattern shall I seek"
#5: Can't-Do Dweebs
The Traditional Dev
- Myopic
- Isolationist
- Rigid
- Arrogant
- Scared
- Severe
How did we get here?
What's the road out?
The Modern Dev
- Collaborative
- Curious
- Modest
- Big Picture
- Courageous
- Fun
Bad
Good
- Collaborative
- Curious
- Modest
- Big Picture
- Courageous
- Fun
- Isolationist
- Rigid
- Arrogant
- Myopic
- Scared
- Severe
The 6 Developers I Always Want To Work With
The Coach
"Good job! Now see if you can decouple that interface."
Who's Good?
The Experimenter
"What if we cached it?"
Who's Good?
The Sam Gamgee
"Sounds scary- let's do it together"
Who's Good?
The Parseltongue
"This service should make the app 40% faster, which will decrease bounce rate"
Who's Good?
The Session Musician
"I can write a module that will help with that!"
Who's Good?
The Perpetual Beginner
"Let's learn something new!"
Who's Good?
We're Hiring!
Galvanize is hiring big-hearted, hard working educators who also code. Interested? Talk to me after this session.
PSA: If you see this woman...
Hire her!
Kyle Coberly
www.kylecoberly.com