The Power of
Love and Compassion
Gerald Blomeyer
Talk and Meditation at Nomad
Berlin
21st June 2015
Meditation
Note your thoughts as they arise
The source of our problems is our
confusion about reality.
Buddha
Because of our self-centeredness and self-cherishing, it seems as if we’re the most important person.
"Myself" has a sense of great importance, whereas
"others" has a sense of much less importance.
What others experience doesn't matter.
Much of what we experience is based on our judgemental thoughts, projections and unrealistic expectations, and not really on the actual situations that we encounter.
All through the day
I me mine, I me mine, I me mine
All through the night
I me mine, I me mine, I me mine
George Harrison
What does "I love you" mean?
Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, it will astound you
I need your loving like the sunshine
"Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime" by The Korgis
cover version by Beck in the movie "Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind"
What does "I love you" mean?
We are attached to friends.
We have distain for people we don't like.
We have apathy and indifference for everybody else – strangers.
We want to be near our friends. They are so wonderful. They are nice to us. They give us presents and console us when we feel down.
The people we don't like criticize us, don't give us presents and disagree with us.
I couldn't care less about everybody else. They are almost like robots, not like real human beings with feelings.
What does "I love you" mean?
This type of mind defines everyone in the way they relate to me. Today the people are friends, enemies or neutral. Tomorrow their roles can change.
This mind is not very stable. It can't generate love and compassion.
No one is an inherent friend, inherent enemy or an inherent stranger. Sometimes the people who are our worst enemies are the people we were most attached to before.
Who are we meaner to: strangers or people you love when you get angry? The people who you love. One day someone is a loved one, and next day we can't stand them. This is all coming from our own mind.
First we need to equalise things, and realise that people we get angry at are the one's we care about the most.
What does "I love you" mean?
We need to develop a balanced mind that neither attracts nor pushes away. We have to learn to open our heart to everything without prejudice.
When you hold a grudge against someone, who is it that suffers? The stronger the grudge, the more you suffer. We're totally miserable if we go through life holding on to that anger and hatred.
We have to learn being right and to let go of anger towards others. “But they did this, and this, and this ...” “They are dispicable and degenerate! I can't possibly give up my grudges because they were wrong.”
Just because they were wrong, why do you have to be angry?
Do you want to be right or be happy?
What does "I love you" mean?
Human beings makes mistakes. I'm a human being and also make mistakes.
As Ani Thubten Chodron says: Inside we have the judge, the jury, and the prosecuter. The prosecuter prosecutes, then the jury convicts them unanimously after one minute, and the judge sentences them to death. “I'm right!”
Loosen up a bit.
The Queen of Hearts:
"Off with their heads!"
What does "I love you" mean?
You know that you can't change other people, but you can change your way of seeing them.
One way to let go is to think of the kindness of the other people. Think of one, two or three good things that they have done.
The King of Hearts, pardons those sentenced to death
What does "I love you" mean?
“I am me. I am entitled to be rich and happy. I have the right that people are nice to me.”
This sense of entitlement is your ego. It stops you from growing. Decide the way you want to see others:
Do you want to be right or have good relationships with them?
To able to love, we need to face the challenge of seeing others differently by giving up being judgemental and seeing the disadvantage of holding grudges.
Try to say nice things about people every day, especially about people you don't like.
It changes our mind, and the experience with that person.
Just Like Me Practice
Empathy: Regarding self and others as equal
Seeing others as human being just like us, makes the mind a little more balanced.
Equanimity is the foundation of loving ourselves and others.
Exercise
Sit opposite a person you don't know, decide who will be A and B, and then look into each other's eyes:
Just Like Me Practice
A You have a body and a mind, just like me.
B You have feelings, emotions, and thoughts, just like me.
A You have been sad and disappointed, just like me.
B You have been angry, hurt, and confused, just like me.
A You have experienced physical pain, just like me.
B You have experienced emotional pain, just like me.
A You wish to be free from pain and suffering, just like me.
B You wish to be healthy and loved, just like me.
A You wish and to have fulfilling relationships, just like me.
B You wish to be happy, just like me.
Loving Kindness
May you have the strength, resources, and social support to navigate the difficulties in life.
May you be free from pain and suffering
May you be happy. Because you are a fellow human being, just like me.
This begins to wear away our self-centredness, cuts back on the feeling "here am I".
What does "I love you" mean?
A) I want you to make me happy.
This is attachment. We think that holding on tightly will give us security, and security will give us happiness.
BUT: The more tightly we hold, the more we will suffer.
It comes from our inability to just accept.
It is driven by the fear of losing, fear of change,
the fear of being hurt.
It’s the very clinging which makes us insecure, and that insecurity which gives us this sense of uneasiness.
Attachment isn’t genuine love—it’s just self-love.
“Falling in love” happens suddenly. If you think too much of yourself you can't love. You have to surrender a part of yourself.
This makes you vulnerable. It allows someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they also give you everything.
Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty.
Love is a question of trust.
Love is always about the other person.
In order to love, you have to be there.
Thich Nhat Hanh
What does "I love you" really mean?
B) I want you to be genuinely happy,
even if it doesn't include me.
Genuine love is like holding someone very gently, nuturing them, allowing things to flow, giving each being space to dance their dance.
This non-attachment releases something profound in us because it releases that level of fear.
This is where loving kindness becomes compassion.
Developing Compassion
1 Feeling Love
Begin by connecting with the goodness within you. Connect with your inner sense of love, care for others, with joy and compassion.
Imagine someone who really loves you sitting in front of you. Say their name, imagine some details. Let them send you their love from their heart to yours, and once you feel it, you return it. Let the love flow to an fro.
Come to an end.
Developing Compassion
2 Self-love
Imagine a tiny sphere of light at your heart centre. If you zoom in you can see it is a tiny lotus with a diamond shining in the middle.
Let the bright sphere fill your whole body with light.
Feel how this light and love relaxes you and fills you with energy. There is no space for criticism.
You are prefect, just as you are.
Developing Compassion
3.1 Sharing Love / Tonglen
Visualize someone you love sitting directly in front of you. Imagine the stresses, anxieties and worries he or she might be experiencing.
Think how much you would like to relieve that suffering, and resolve within yourself to do so.
Inhale and draw out their pain like a dark murky cloud. Draw the cloud close to you.
Developing Compassion
3.2 Sharing Love / Tonglen
Inhale and take the cloud of suffering in.
The moment the cloud touches the diamond in your heart picture a flash of light - all the pain has been dissolved and your body is full of light as before. Think that the loved one is relieved of suffering, like a burden has been lifted from their shoulders.
Then, as you breathe out, imagine sharing all your love and light with the loved one see them filled with love, light and happiness.
Continue meditating in this way for some time.
Developing Compassion
3.3 Sharing Love / Tonglen
Dedication
From time without beginning, all sentient beings have suffered, just as my loved one suffers.
Truly, my loved one is exactly like all sentient beings, and they are exactly like her (or him).
I wish to free all sentient beings without exception from their suffering.
If you want others to be happy,
practice compassion.
If you want to be happy,
practice compassion.
HH Dalai Lama
Purpose / Meaning vs. Happiness
Altruism vs. Egotism
For others vs. for oneself
By opening your heart and mind you can
- remove tension,
- make peace in conflicts,
- heal wounds suffered in the struggle of existence,
- revive joy and feel "at home" in your body.
Meditation can help make love become your inseparable companion.
The Power of Love
By Gerald Blomeyer
Private
