Solving Imaginary Scaling Issues
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Who is this dude with the blue hair?
Laurie Voss, COO,
Performance != Scaling
I'm playing fast and loose.
Databases with cool-sounding names
Trust not the marketing pages
especially of database techologies
Minifying code makes it run sooner
Missing the point
Putting A Node.js Proxy In Front Of your COBOL Backend
Putting a proxy in front of a server slows it down
Fuck it, let's use BitTorrent for everything
is not speed
Running exactly the same software, but in Docker
Docker does not magically make your application better
Rearranging the deck chairs
Splitting everything into 35 microservices all maintained by 1 person
help teams scale
300% performance boosts by deleting data validity checks
Scale up by giving fewer fucks
Fuck it, let's use
Blockchains are not general purpose databases
Using protobufs to poll 300 times per second
Don't scale by doing dumb shit faster
Most problems aren't hard
Don't go for extra credit.
Put a cache on it
can't be cached
And it's usually the most important stuff.
npm is a company that sells good and services.
Rewriting your APIs in C when your payload is 3MB of JSON
Optimize your API before optimizing your code
A badly designed API is slow in any language
Fuck it, let's rewrite everything in Go
"Go" is a really hard name to Google
Which is funny 'cause Google invented the damn thing
Rewrites make your code faster
And your team slower
Optimizing your PNGs while hosting 300MB video ads
Not all scaling solutions are technical
Blaming everything on the last
person to quit
Fuck it, let's try ✨Erlang✨
"Putting the funk in functional programming since 1986"
Functional programming is just different, not better
Private packages from npm
can help your team work faster
Sharding your database before adding any indexes
Replacing your SQL DB with a NoSQL DB then implementing SQL in your ORM
General purpose databases are
A type-checked transpilation step will surely speed things up
Type checking helps you write bigger applications
This is not the same as scaling.
Types are great
They're just not a scaling technique.
Fuck it, let's use a Bloom filter
Bloom filters: useful at Google scale
You're not at Google scale, and never will be.
Chapter 20:Renting a 32-core machine with 500GB of RAM
when your limit is disk I/O
Bigger boxes are not necessarily better
Writing a new language almost the same as your old language but faster
Guest chapter by Mark Zuckerberg
If you can afford this, go right ahead
Fuck it, let's use ✨machine learning✨
Nightmare cats for all!
on your pitch deck!
The way to scale any application is: carefully
npm has scaled
and so can you
npm swag? Find me in the hallway.
Solving Imaginary Scaling Issues At Scale