The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again

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Kyle Coberly

  • Educator
  • Business dork
  • Web app developer

The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again

Categories Of

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#1: Talented Jerks

The Late-Night Martyr

"Don't worry about me, I'll just get this knocked out over the weekend. Enjoy the party."

#1: Talented Jerks

The Cowboy

"I need to be alone for the next 40 hours"

#1: Talented Jerks

The Rockstar

"Juniors just slow me down"

#1: Talented Jerks

#2: Scared Buttholes

The Pharisee

"If you wanted it, you should have put it in the spec!"

#2: Scared Buttholes

The Single-Tasker

"I just write tests"

#2: Scared Buttholes

The Not-My-Jobber

"I don't do design"

#2: Scared Buttholes

The Keeper of Forbidden Knowledge

"Why do you need to see my schema?"

#2: Scared Buttholes

#3: Anti-Social Twerps

The Not-A-People-Person Person

"Shut up and let me code!!"

#3: Anti-Social Twerps

The Code Masturbator

"Haskell would be the perfect choice. What are we building?"

#3: Anti-Social Twerps

#4: Period Pieces (of shit)

The Storyteller

"In COBOL times we made our own loops, and our apps were better for it!"

#4: Period Pieces

The Incredulous Newb

"React is dead! You haven't switched over to Vue yet??"

#4: Period Pieces

The Prognosticator

"WASM will make all of this irrelevant"

#4: Period Pieces

#5: Can't-Do Dweebs

The Eeyore

"Why fix it, it's just going to break again"

#5: Can't-Do Dweebs

The Gold-Plater

"Let's add PalmOS support before we show it to the customer"

#5: Can't-Do Dweebs

The Philosopher

"Perhaps a design pattern shall I seek"

#5: Can't-Do Dweebs

The Traditional Dev

  • Myopic
  • Isolationist
  • Rigid
  • Arrogant
  • Scared
  • Severe

How did we get here?

What's the road out?

The Modern Dev

  • Collaborative
  • Curious
  • Modest
  • Big Picture
  • Courageous
  • Fun

Bad

Good

  • Collaborative
  • Curious
  • Modest
  • Big Picture
  • Courageous
  • Fun
  • Isolationist
  • Rigid
  • Arrogant
  • Myopic
  • Scared
  • Severe

The 6 Developers I Always Want To Work With

The Coach

"Good job! Now see if you can decouple that interface."

Who's Good?

The Experimenter

"What if we cached it?"

Who's Good?

The Sam Gamgee

"Sounds scary- let's do it together"

Who's Good?

The Parseltongue

"This service should make the app 40% faster, which will decrease bounce rate"

Who's Good?

The Session Musician

"I can write a module that will help with that!"

Who's Good?

The Perpetual Beginner

"Let's learn something new!"

Who's Good?

We're Hiring!

Galvanize is hiring big-hearted, hard working educators who also code. Interested? Talk to me after this session.

PSA: If you see this woman...

Hire her!

Kyle Coberly

www.kylecoberly.com

The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again

By Kyle Coberly

The 5 Developers I Never Want To Work With Again

Develop Denver 2017

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