Has Anyone else Seen

Codemotion Devo 2018-12-13

Your Host Today

What We Will Cover

Why Me?

Code Can (and will) Kill You

Bad Code Is Out To Get You!

Software Bugs cost $60 Billion

Software handles:

state of the art sensors

vs primate in metal box

Ape wins

Self-Driving Car Manufacturers

War Robots

Actual robots

Deploying Spiders

Do you know what you deploy?

Often we do not know!

It may be weird stuff

(potentially very weird)

spoiler alert

It's a human head!

Does code ever work the first time?

Yes!

Probably not?

Definitely not

Hall of Tortured Souls

The Power of Open Source

Linux 4.17.3: 6 MLOC

$ grep -ir fuck linux-4.17.3 | wc -l
29
$ grep -ir kludge linux-4.17.3 | wc -l
110
$ grep -ir cludge linux-4.17.3 | wc -l
1
$ grep -ir crap linux-4.17.3 | wc -l
195
$ grep -r TODO linux-4.17.3 | wc -l
4825

## Some Highlights

 * Wirzenius wrote this portably, Torvalds fucked it up :-)
/* !!!! THIS IS A PIECE OF SHIT MADE BY ME !!! */

Node.js 10.5.0: 3 MLOC

$ grep -ir fuck node-v10.5.0 | wc -l
25
$ grep -ir kludge node-v10.5.0 | wc -l
22
$ grep -ir crap node-v10.5.0 | grep -v scrap | wc -l
9
$ grep -r TODO node-v10.5.0 | wc -l
2904

## Some Highlights

* **help:** fuck it. just hard-code it ([d5d5085](https://github.com/zkat/npx/commit/d5d5085))
* IOW it's all just a clusterfuck and we should think of something that makes slightly more sense.

Java 10.0.1: 3.5 MLOC

$ grep -ir fuck java-10.0.1 | wc -l
1
$ grep -ir kludge java-10.0.1  | wc -l
16
$ grep -ir crap java-10.0.1 | grep -v scrap | wc -l
3
$ grep -r TODO java-10.0.1 | wc -l
2155

## Some Highlights
if (uri == null || uri.length() == 0) // crap. the NamespaceContext interface is broken
// forces us to clear out crap up to the next
* TODO: wrapping message needs easier. in particular properties and attachments.

Unit Tests are great

When someone reviews them!

External tests are awesome

But have to be repeated every time

Labor-intensive

Microsoft: 1 QA / dev in the 90s

Today: 1 QA / 3 devs

When Pair Programming is not enough

Even Remote Pair Programming

Zen and The Art

of code REview

Judged by a Jury of your Peers

Four-Eyes principle

Six Eyes

Eight eyes

Ideal Review

Ego-less Programming

Do Not Rely Solely on Senior Review

Senior Review Creates

 a Choke Point

Mandatory Feynman Misquote

I couldn't explain my code to a junior. That means I don't really understand my code.

Encourage Juniors to Ask One Question

Too Many Prima Donnas Already

There are no stupid questions

TReat People Well

Do not give orders; ask questions

Maybe ask questions instead of giving orders?

Isn't it faster to change it than to argue?

Could you accept criticism gracefully?

Don't Troll People

Don't let any crap pass

Massive Reduction in Bugs

... But There is More

Knowledge is shared around

Explaining Your Code Is Good

Volkswagen Scenario

If Reviews Give You Trouble

Editorial Process

Create Your Own Adventure!

Some examples

Node.js review

Reviews are a process, not a destination

To Summarize

People deploy Code all the time

"deploy"

Juniors Make Great Reviewers

Code Reviews Keep You Honest

Make The Process Explicit

Thanks!

@pinchito