Why Are We Yelling? is a book about 8 things we can practice in order to improve in the art of productive disagreement.
This is a high-level outline of the ideas explored in the book.
1st thing to try: watch how anxiety sparks
We'll see how examining our anxieties within disagreements can reveal our strongest values.
2nd thing to try: talk to your internal voices
We've inherited automatic responses to conflict, and we can listen to them without having to always obey them.
3rd thing to try: develop honest bias
Knowing that we're all biased won't make them magically go away, but if we learn to notice them we can repair the damage they cause.
4th thing to try: speak for yourself
Instead of speculating what others think, invite your most worthy opponents to the table to speak for themselves.
5th thing to try: ask questions that invite surprising answers
The more open the question, the more likely you'll learn something new from it.
6th thing to try: build arguments together
Your opponents can see your blind spots better than you can.
7th thing to try: cultivate neutral spaces
Learn why it's important to invite threatening ideas to the table, and how to do this without endorsing them.
8th thing to try: accept reality, then participate in it
Denying reality doesn't make it go away. We can learn to accept that problems exist, so we can participate in their solutions.
Look inside the book
By Buster Benson