(aka NVC for engineers)

Let's define the problem

Have you ever heard/said?

Comparison:

"Not as good as..."

Blame:

"It's your fault!"

Label:

"I am..." "You are..." "They are..."

Generalisation:

"You always/you never..."

Moralistic judgement: 

"Good/bad" "Right/wrong"

Denying responsibility:

"We've always"

"It's the rules"

Diagnosis:

"I think..."

Demand:

"If you don't, then..."

Imposing my judgement:

"I should/you should..."

Let's define a process

Observation

Feeling

Need

Request

Empathic listening

"When you see..."

"You feel..."

"You need..."

"Because you need..."

"Would you like...?"

Clearly expressing

"When I see..."

"I feel..."

"Because I need..."

"Would you be willing to..?"

Let's talk about our feelings

What are needs?

Autonomy

Integrity

Interdependence

Physical Nurturance

Play

Remove judgement & communicate more gooderer

These are just guidelines

F*** you very much!