What sits on two magic eight balls and can tell a man his health horoscope? His penis. It is the ultimate divining rod as to what is going on in a man's body. Every bend, curve, bump, or out-of-the-ordinary actions can be telling a man that all is not right in Denmark and that he needs to see the doctor. Of course, not everything is serious. In fact, many things can be cleared up or managed. Let’s kick it off with what penis problems may be telling a man.

Penis of a Thousand Colors

If it’s light pink, it's likely flushed from recent activity or heat. Post-coital penis discoloration can also be temporarily red, blue, or purple until the blood pools out (which can take a minute). If it stays or worsens, it could be an allergy (like to latex or to laundry detergent), or it could be a penile fracture which requires professional help fast.

Purple discoloration can be a host of things (including the above). Many times, a purple discoloration is simply a bruise. However, if that bruise starts to pool blood, go to the hospital immediately.

If a red, itchy, smelly, uncomfortable mess has taken up residence on the head of the penis, it could be balanitis, an infection caused by smegma overgrowth. This happens when a man lets his hygiene go. Although this seems like just a penis problem, it goes deeper. If a man isn’t taking care of himself, he should ask himself why, as it could indicate issues with mental health.

The Penis Has a Pretty Noticeable Bend

There are some curves a man can’t lean into. When his penis looks like Gonzo’s nose, it’s one of those times. A buildup of scar tissue from minor and major traumas over a man’s lifetime can cause the penis to curve and shorten and results in Peyronie’s disease once that curve is greater than 15 percent (though some experts say 20 percent). Treatment is possible, but there is a high instance of erectile dysfunction or pain during sex. It can lead to relationship issues and self-esteem issues, as well as chronic pain.

Bumps That Go Bump in the Night

There are many bumps to consider. If they are white, yellow, or reddish, and they don’t hurt or itch, they may be Fordyce spots. If so, they can disappear on their own in a few years. Bumps can also be acne, ingrown hairs, or folliculitis, which can all be managed well, and frequently, a man can get rid of them.

Of course, some bumps on the penis or testicles can be indicators of cancer. Men should perform self-examinations once per week in the shower so if cancer is detected, it can be caught early and, often, be put into remission.

A Less-Healthy Cauliflower-Shaped Growth

If a man sees cauliflower in his Calvin’s, it’s most likely genital warts. Welcome to the HPV club. This communicable penis problem will not go away on its own; warts must be either burned, frozen, lasered, or surgically taken off. HPV is chronic and will never go away; however, future breakouts are less likely. What men need to watch out for is penile cancer, as HPV can sometimes lead to it.

Tiny, Transparent Blisters

Seeing little blisters on the big boy? Are they especially tender and itchy? If they burst and scab over, it’s herpes, another communicable sexually transmitted infection. Herpes is another virus that claims squatter’s rights in a man’s body – it never leaves. A man needs to manage the condition with antiviral meds to keep future breakouts at bay. Herpes can affect many areas of a man’s life, such as his physical health as well as his social interactions, sex life, and his feelings about himself.

An excellent way to keep avoidable penis problems at bay is to regularly self-examine, have a consistent hygiene regimen, and always practice safe sex. Savvy men take penis health a step further by using a specially formulated penis health creme (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which has been clinically proven safe and mild for skin) daily to keep the penis fresh, healthy, and supple. Using a cocktail of powerful penis-boosting vitamins and nutrients in a shea butter base, this crème boosts blood flow and protects against bacteria, infection, and nerve damage, all while increasing elasticity and sensitivity. It’s the perfect way for a man to care for his member.