Paying attention sends the message we care

Not paying attention sends the message we don't

What message do we want to send?

What if we can't pay attention?

Listening is a skill that takes constant effort and constant practice.

Do you think you're a good listener?

How do you know?

being capable ≠ being good

1. Speech-thought differential

2. Distractions

3. Thinking of what to say

1. Double down & be a detective

2. Commit ourselves and our space

3. Trust the process, let go of thought

Silence is okay.

Saying you don't know is okay.

Asking for time is okay.

"First seek to understand, then to be understood." -Stephen Covey

Not inherently bad or good

Self-referential shifts are the most common

"Nature has given us two ears, and only one tongue, so that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak."

- Epictetus

More support is usually better.

1. Suggesting we know how it feels

2. Identifying the cause

3. Telling them how to prevent or solve their problem

4. Minimizing 

5. Offering a different perspective or silver lining

6. Admiring strength or bravery

Successful shifts start by listening, and following their lead.

7. We can't imagine, or we don't know

Open and honest questions don't have a hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, or correcting.

Open and honest questions make us do more listening.

1. Just listen

2. Reflect their feeling

3. Check for understanding

4. Open, honest questions

That is frustrating.

Are you saying that X?

It sounds like you're feeling X.

Can you tell me more?

What was that like for you?

"Have you tried doing X?"

"Why did you do that?"

criticizing or "shoulding" on others

"What lead you to choose X?"

Our team meeting is a sacred place because we are willing to pay attention and listen to each other.

Complete.